You’ll read the statement “photos must be recent” or the like, for good reason. I myself am guilty of using a couple of older pictures – but just because they are fun (me with a llama, riding a camel). It should be noted that I also include a few other new shots of me in my profile and don’t use any of the older ones as my main picture. But time and time again, I meet men that have either posted older (thinner, younger) pictures or have suddenly morphed into a fatter, older man before coming out to meet me. Here comes the disclaimer: I am not thin, so I have nothing against a chubby man (in fact, I prefer bigger to thinner) and God only knows I am have not managed to dodge the aging process. The problem is the dishonesty. Plain and simple. They try and pull a fast one in hopes of ....what? Hoping you will overlook this deception by becoming so enthralled with their sparkling personality? Uh… no.
This brings me to my most recent experience (one of many I’m afraid). Lee. In his picture, I could see he had that cute scruffy thing going. Not handsome but, cute (like a ratty teddy bear). He seemed to have an easy going way, which I also like. We exchanged a few rapid-fire emails, then moved to texting (seems to be the way it goes now). We’re both Libras, 2 weeks apart in age. We both like art and music. No kids, no ex-wives. Then came the first bombshell……wait for it……he’s an “Actor”. Yikes. Second bombshell….out of work (shocking!) Actor that supplements his income bartending but now that’s dried up too so now he………..drives an ice cream truck in the Valley. I’m so forgiving that I actually found that endearing (at least he was underemployed instead of unemployed). A few more texts brought us on the subject of appearance and weight. He told me he’s put on some weight lately. I didn’t want to sound cruel so, I said it was no big deal. I’ve loved ugly men and beautiful men – it’s chemistry - that elusive and precious thing, that attracts. I was a little put off when he called, then texted when I didn’t answer at 10:30pm. I don’t like contact past 9:00pm – maybe I’m too rigid?
Anyway, we planned to meet the following evening for dinner (his idea – I would prefer a coffee or drink). We met at P.F. Changs in Manhattan Beach. He was waiting for me inside when I arrived so I could receive the full brunt of the final bombshell…the girth! The belly! The gut! Sweet Jesus! This wasn’t chubby, this was obese. This was an obstruction for lovemaking. This was a health concern. This was….just not right. We sat, we chatted. He even asked me, “so, am I too fat and disgusting for you?” What was I to say??? I’m a polite girl! Yes! Yes!! I told him to drop the weight subject. The waitress came and he pompously ordered a glass of “house Pinot” and I, a mojito. When the waitress brought a glass of Pinot Noir he returned it telling her he wanted the Pinot Grigio. When she walked away, he told me she should have known better because it was Summer. That dictates the imbibing of Grigio, not Noir. Oy. All these bomshells dropping in my head started to sound like WWIII.
The evening dragged on and on. Lee’s personality kept getting worse. He says he was born to be an actor and was proud of his extra work. He shrugged off materialism and was content to have a car that just gets him from A to B, even though that car got repossessed last year. (He has since bought another car, obviously) He was pompous. He was unsightly. He was the ultimate Loser. He also wasn’t reading my signals – the ones that said, “I’m being polite, but I can’t wait for this evening to end”. He commanded, “Don’t you dare touch that check!” before he went to the restroom (like I would foot the bill?!?) though, in retrospect I should have insisted that I cover my soup and drink – he ordered 2 entrees and wine.
He walked me to my car. When we arrived at my car, he did the whole “leaning against my car and waiting for something" trick. He took my hand. I shook it. Apparently that wasn’t what he wanted. I then hugged him (difficult with the belly) and backed off quickly. He then asked me if I wanted to see him again. Christ!!! Was it not obvious?!?! I hate to be confronted like this. Lord knows I would have written him a polite email explaining our lack of compatibility, but noooooo! Disgusted that a man could live 40 years and be this oblivious, I shirked my usual politeness and asked him, “Do you want the truth or do you want me to blow smoke up your ass?” Clearly surprised, he opted for the truth. I told him that he was nice but wasn’t my type. I left it at that. To elaborate would be cruel and that’s just not me. Plus, he might be psycho and kill me.
On the way home, I received a lengthy text about how unexpected my rejection was and how I wasn’t able to get “passed” (not past?) his appearance. He also said I should have paid my portion of the check. (A mistake I won’t make again) I did not reply (what was I to say?). I forgot my phone at home the next day which worked in my favor because he sent 3 more texts asking me to give him 3 reasons why I rejected him. Yes! I’m serious! I refrained from replying and pray I won’t hear from him any more.
