Living in Los Angeles, it’s inevitable to come across – on nearly day a daily basis, someone that is either in the entertainment industry, in a field relating to the industry or desperately trying to get into the industry. We’re the land of Hollywood for crissakes. Jon did some voice over work, was supposedly a comedian and did some acting (probably kraft services too…). He had that confident-cocky charm I’m attracted to despite being only moderately attractive. When a guy lives far from me, I know it’s reasonable to meet half way. Of course I prefer to meet closer to me and to be honest, a real gentleman will always offer to come my way. Perhaps this is one of those subconscious judging categories – I can size a man up by how willing he is to inconvenience himself more than me. In this case, Jon got poor marks. He lived all the way in the Valley and insisted we meet in Brentwood – which is just over the hill from him but, about 45 minutes for me. Had he not said we were meeting for sushi, I would have insisted on something a smidge more South. I waited for him at the bar. He was 20 minutes late. (Did I mention that the restaurant was much closer to him than me?) Anything more than 10 minutes late is rude in my book – the only exception being if the man is coming from quite a distance (i.e. coming to Manhattan Beach from Irvine). When he arrived, I noted that some of that online dating math had worked it’s magic. Suddenly 5’11” became 5’6”! Truly a wonderful trick! He came right over and wrapped his arms around me in an all-encompassing bear hug. He smelled of too much cologne.
We chatted nicely, laughing often. He was pretty entertaining, actually. He had a good sense of humor – which can make any man more attractive in my eyes. He was a little too touchy feely – which I don’t like. He didn’t order anything to eat but – I know this tactic: he thinks by not ordering anything, I wouldn’t either. Yeah- right! I had come all this way under the pretense of having dinner – so I didn’t eat before going out – so dammit, I’m going to order something. I am a light eater though, so I just ordered some edamame and a small California roll. We seemed to be getting along okay – like I said, he made me laugh. He walked me to my car afterwards and was all over me. I gave him a quick peck but this guy was going for the full macking. I pushed him away and said “that’s enough for a first date”. He felt the need to explain his obvious horniness on being overly affectionate (he said it was a “Turkish Thing”). We said “good night”.
It’s funny – when a person behaves aloof, they almost trick you into thinking that they’re something special. The next days we emailed and he took his time replying to me. I agreed to a second date (although in retrospect, I’m not sure why). I suppose I found him amusing, albeit overly horny, and I was test-driving a new dating theory introduced by Maggie: “Date ‘em until you hate ‘em”. Well, I didn’t hate him. Yet.
So, this time I asserted myself a bit more and asked him to come to my neck of the woods. I suggested we go for a walk down by the beach and then hop into one of the many places down in Hermosa Beach. He had no interest in that plan because he was going to be at the beach all day with his brother. He tried suggesting that I go up there again, I told him “no”. We negotiated dinner & a movie. So, he came down - late, again – this time by 40 minutes. He bitched and moaned about the distance and the heavy traffic. Cry me a river, a-hole. Here’s where I am going to sound like a materialistic jerk but, I’m really not. His car was a messy piece of shit. Falling apart, cluttered, piece of merde, mierda, sheisse, shit-box. Now – I really don’t care if you have an older car as long as you take care of it. But seriously, to me there is something wrong with a 45 year old man driving around in a crapper. I’m a single mom without the luxury of child support and even my car is decent. When a middle-aged man (ex-wifeless and childless, I might add) drives a P.O.S., he’s saying: “I’m not conducting my life properly”. So anyway…we were going to have dinner and a movie but because he was so late, we could only grab a drink at the bar and split some fries. Hey – wait a second…maybe this was another paying-for-dinner-avoidance tactic I didn’t know about – hey! This guy is good! Sitting at the bar, we drank and chatted. It was then I noticed something I didn’t really take note of the first evening. This guys was really loud. He broke into his impression of a “kvetching jew” really loud. I had to shoosh him! As soon as he came off of that routine, he jumped into the next – this time engaging the attractive black couple next to him down the bar. Now, picture a bar. I am sitting in position #1, Jon is #2 and the couple is #3 & #4. He launched into a full Q & A with these poor people. Keep in mind though, that I’m at the end of the bar and he has now turned his body to completely face them, thereby also blocking my ability to lean forward to be kept part of the conversation. He asked them how long they’ve been married, where they were from (they had an “Island” accent), how many children they had – they had none – why? Then we were privy to one of their internal marriage struggles as she wanted kids but wasn’t ready yet. I gleaned all of this by weaving my head back and forth to peer into the occasional gaps left as Jon the Comedian bobbed his head around entertaining them. Finally, I gave up trying to be included and just finished my drink. I summoned the bartender, got our bill and pushed it the direction of guy with his back to me. He paid, bid his new best friends (who looked thankful we were leaving) a good night and we rushed to our movie.
The previews had already started – I hate missing the previews!! We passed irritated patrons as we side-stepped our way to one of that last pairs of seats available. I settled into my seat, happy for this break from his yapper. We watched the movie. He really leaned towards me so, I linked arms with him. About 15 minutes later – he tries to kiss me! During the movie?!? What are we – 15?!?! Get the fuck outta here! I pushed him away – trying to hide my annoyance. He kept a hand on my knee – fortunately he didn’t not attempt to go exploring – I think he might have sensed that he would have lost a finger had he tried. After the movie, we walked back to his car. He suggested we go walk on the beach. What?? I told him that if he didn’t mind, I’d like him to take me home. When we pulled into my driveway, he suggested that he come up to “hang out”. What??? I told him no, that I was tired and would like to call it an evening. He was aghast. He protested that he had driven “all this way” and that it was still early (11:00). I insisted on leaving his vehicle as he protested. I scurried through my security gate and went straight to my computer to write him a “thanks, but no thanks” email.
I wrote:
"Thanks for coming down tonight and thanks for the drink and the movie. You're a really sweet guy but, I don't think you're right for me.
Lots of luck to you."
The next day, he wrote:
"I know why you acted like that at the end of the night. You thought by me asking to just come over to your condo I was just looking for A GOOD TIME. Well..I was not.
Just was tired from the beach...and wanted to see a movie and then chill with a few drinks instead of doing the bar scene.
The worst thing that would have happened is I would have maybe kissed you more...and possibly a foot massage.(I liked your pedicure).. You would have fallen a sleep any ways after that...so...
You did not mention we should go to the beach or somewhere after the movie...I may have been up to it.
I am just an affectionate guy(Turkish thing)..so that is why I hold hands in the theater and flirt with you. You seemed into it(holding my arm)...especially of what you said when I picked you up...you like to please guys to a point.. etc.
I know you did the Pink color and the manicure for me...sandals..etc..so you didn't have to deny it....thought it was sweet!!.
So...glad you had some laughs with me....and get back to me if you want to get together again...except near me this time.:)
If not..take care and good luck"
Okay – in my defense – I told him that I was going for a pedicure the day before and I asked him what color he liked. That is what I meant by “pleasing guys to a point”. Geez talk about misinterpreting signals: my holding his arm meant that I wanted his tongue in my mouth in a crowded movie theater! My wearing sandals on a Summer day with a fresh pedi in the color of his choosing meant that I was his to fondle and molest! My wanting to call it an evening and not have him up to my condo and rushing to write him a “good bye” email had nothing at all to do with him being a total asshole! Ick.
No comments:
Post a Comment